I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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