i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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