It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
