You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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