I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nicole vs. Life
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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