Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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