I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
