i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
