you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
