So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
