Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
