We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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