Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
