remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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