He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
