I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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