So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
