My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
