either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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