Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
