She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
