Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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