I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
