Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
