SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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