dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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