Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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