i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
