i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
