my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
