I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
