I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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