why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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