my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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