dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize