I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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