I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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