Don't you send me to vm
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
