The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
