I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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