I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
