Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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