We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
