My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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