i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
