so that wasnt chicken after all
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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