Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
