omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
