My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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