so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
smell my finger.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
