Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
