There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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