When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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