That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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