She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
