i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
