i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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