He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
