I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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