She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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