it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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