What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
