i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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