did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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