I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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