I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
