My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
