And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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