Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
