i already hear my dad disowning me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
