Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
