You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
