Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize