i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
