It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize