The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
