CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
