i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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