i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
